May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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