Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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