Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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