My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I won the penis lottery.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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