just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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