Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
