dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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