He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
