I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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