Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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