Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
