I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
