the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
