If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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