how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize