Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
