I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
