Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You can't motorboat a personality
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
