Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
