i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
