the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
