I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
