I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
