Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
