that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize