Your face is a jimmy john
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize