The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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