You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
His nipple licking is glorious
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