i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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