you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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