I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
