dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
