you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
