Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
