So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
