Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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