is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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