just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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