I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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