is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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