i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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