He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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