You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
