i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
