nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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