I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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