y did u give ur computer a hand job?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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