Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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