How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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