I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
