guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
