girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
