So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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