Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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