i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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