life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
