Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
