Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
