I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
