I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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