Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
