Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
