he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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