I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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