i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
