the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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