Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
