You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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