I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we're making bets on your personal life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
