we have pet lesbian snakes
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
