that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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