My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
