so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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