Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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