no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
