where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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