It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
